23 Truths
by Sahrah Marmlade-Leonhart
Summary: I never got the chance to tell you that you were my first kiss, and you would be my last." A poem. Zack/Aerith. Spoilers for Crisis Core.


OMG LOOK IT'S SAHRAH! SHE'S ALIVE!

Actually, I'm not. You're imagining things. Seek medical help immediately. Yeah. But seriously, I'm working on something that I really hope you're going to like! It'll be up, uhh... eventually. Sure.

So, this poem is from Aerith's point of view. She's talking to Zack. FYI, the guy she talks about towards the end is Cloud, in case you can't tell. And Zack's mentor, of course, is Angeal. Although I'd like to think those things are obvious. The poem takes place during and a little while after the events of Crisis Core.

DISCLAIMER: I OWN THE PRETTY WORDS, BUT THAT'S REALLY KIND OF IT. ACTUALLY. NOT KIND OF. THAT'S JUST IT.

* * *

.1.  
When you fell into the bed of flowers,  
I was so scared.  
But when I saw your face, I knew.  
_Everything is going to be okay._  
When you woke up,  
You asked me  
_"Are you an angel?"_  
And I said no.

I was never an angel, but

I did think that you were.

.2.  
When I found out you were a SOLDIER  
I became a little angry  
A little frightened  
And a little sad  
Because I thought that meant we couldn't be together.  
But when I thought about it later,  
I was a little happy  
Because I knew that you would protect me.

.3.  
I'd been meaning to tell you for quite some time  
How much I always worried

Whenever you left on your missions  
I was always so relieved when you came back.  
But I never told you about that.  
I was always too shy.  
_Too afraid that my feelings were ridiculous._  
So I never did.

.4.  
During a week in the winter one year,  
When you were visiting your parents,  
I stared at my phone for an hour because I wanted it to ring  
And I wanted it to be _you._  
I stayed up all night  
But you didn't call me until the next morning.

.5.  
One night, it rained, and you were far away,  
I slept in the church holding your shirt  
(The one you left by accident  
Because you came to see me in your civilian clothes,  
But then had to change into your uniform)  
I held it, and only then was I able to sleep  
Because it smelled like you.

.6.  
During one summer,

You came to visit me every day for two weeks  
You bought me ice cream  
And showed me pictures of the beach

You told me stories about places I would never see.  
And we spent hours just talking in the church.  
They were the _best_ two weeks of my _entire_ year.

.7.  
Whenever you brought me pictures or presents,  
I would put them in my room  
And when my mother asked me  
Where everything came from,  
I'd tell her with a smile  
_"I got this from my boyfriend."_

.8.  
When I waited for you at the train station,  
I could imagine myself getting on  
And surprising you at the ShinRa building  
Bringing you a nice lunch or something.  
_But then I'd see the security cameras_.  
And then I'd remember

How that could never be.

.9.  
I can't remember what day of the week it was  
Or what the weather looked like  
Or why the thought came to me  
But I remember the day it hit me  
The stray thought  
The only truth in my life.  
_"I love him."_

.10.  
I was so happy to see you that day  
But when I ran to embrace you,

You were crying.  
_**You**__ were crying.  
You were __**crying.**__  
_Silently, you were crying  
Because your mentor had died  
And you were carrying his sword  
Because you had to kill him  
_All by yourself._  
I hugged you tightly as you cried,

Because mourning is something I know how to do.

So I held you.  
But I knew that, as always,

_You were still all by yourself_  
And you were out of my reach.

.11.  
I wished I could be with you  
All the time.  
I wanted so desperately to find the words  
To tell you  
_I'm right here.  
Every step of the way, I'm right here._  
You just seemed so lost.  
I wanted so badly to help you  
And I wanted you to know  
_I am always right here._

.12.  
Besides my mother,  
You were the only person  
To whom I ever said  
_"I love you."_

.13.  
Besides my mother,  
You were the only person  
Who ever told me  
_"I love you, too."_

.14.  
Your kisses were soft and sweet  
And I never got the chance to tell you  
_You were my first kiss,  
And you would be my last._

.15.

I told you that I didn't like the cart

Because every day I was more afraid  
That I'd never see you again.  
I said there were twenty-three things that I wanted  
_But all I really ever wanted_  
Was you.

.16.

I always wanted to be more like you

So that even if I got scared,

I'd still be able to smile

I wanted to be able to defend myself

And not be the kind of girl

That always sits and waits for everything.

_That was one thing_

_I always hated._

Waiting.

Not knowing where you were.

Not knowing when I'd see you again,

Or even _**if**_I'd see you again.

_I was always_

_Just waiting for you_

And I hated that more than anything else in the world.

.17.

I remember the last time I heard your voice.  
When I hung up the phone

_For the last time_  
I began to cry.  
I began to _weep_  
And I couldn't stop.  
I felt like, somehow,  
I was falling  
And for once, you wouldn't be able to catch me.  
Because somehow, I knew  
_I just __**knew.**_

I knew that, when you said you'd be home soon,

That it was a _lie._

_Did you even know it was a lie?_

But I knew.

I knew it was gone forever.

My happiness, gone forever._  
I knew it was __**over.**_  
Everything was over.

.18.  
I would sit for hours  
Staring out my window  
Wearing your shirt  
Watching my horizon  
The horizon made of garbage and metal  
The horizon made of patience and broken promises  
And I would wait there and pretend  
_Just pretend_  
I could always pretend  
That you were coming back.  
But I always knew  
_I was always just pretending._

.19.  
Four years passed  
I wrote so many letters to you  
And when I went to write the last one,  
I realized that there was nothing left in me.

Only the regret

That I never told you the truth.

_I am so sorry, my love._

_I should have told you._

_I should have tried to save you._

Instead, I wrote you letters,

And begged the planet to bring you back.

For four years,

All I did was pray.

_I prayed and I prayed and you know what?_

_No one ever answered me._

Not once.

.20.  
One afternoon, when it was drizzling,  
I was in the church with the flowers,

Watching the water cling to the soft yellow petals

Trying to decide how many

To take with me for the day

In the cart you built  
When suddenly, the entire planet began to weep.

I felt it tremble with sadness

I heard it cry out in anguish.  
The rain began to pour  
And I looked at the sky.  
Where the sky should have been._  
And I knew_

_I just knew.  
__**You were dead.**_

.21.  
Two years later, _he_ crashed into the church.

The same way you did.

Exactly the same way.  
I was so happy because  
_He was the proof I needed  
That you existed, that you were real,  
That I didn't dream you up.  
_He was proof

That you were my first boyfriend,  
My first kiss,_  
And my only love._

.22.  
When we met your parents in Gongaga,  
I told him that you and I  
Never had a serious relationship  
And that I didn't really love you.  
_But I lied_.  
I lied because I was scared.  
I was so scared to miss you again.  
Scared to have to feel all that pain again.

_Scared that I'd have to relive your death_

_Again._  
So I told him  
I didn't love you.  
But you have to know  
_Please, oh please, you __**have**__ to know_  
You have to know how much I loved you.

I loved you more than I thought possible.  
I loved you with everything I had.  
I loved you always and forever.  
_I love you._

.23.

I was right.

The first time we met, and

I thought you were an angel.

I was right.

You really were an angel.

I know it because  
_You had wings_  
When you took my hand and  
Pulled me into the Lifestream.

And I told you my twenty-three truths.

The things I'd never gotten the chance

To say to you before you left.

Here's the last one.

**_It's so good to see you again, Zack._**


End file.
